I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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