Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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