Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
