she woke up with a sticky ear
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
