I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
