you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
