8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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