I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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