69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
