i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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