If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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