i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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