Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
