What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i drank out of a bidet.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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