But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
