the condom got lost in my hair
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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