Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
