I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
