you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
