I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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