I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
