bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
