he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
