In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i now understand why vodka
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
