another moral hangover. fuck.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
