well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
