At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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