the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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