I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
