i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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