You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
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I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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