i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
