remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
