Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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