pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
