Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
