why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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