Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
