I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
