Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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