Dude my mom stole all your condoms
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
