The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Panties = found
Randomize
