I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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