my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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