i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
