is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
