Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
