I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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