you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
