i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
