Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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