were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize