She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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