Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
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Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
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I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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