you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
