she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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