just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
