When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
His hands were made for my vagina.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
