whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
