I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
