Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
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I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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